Funny jokes about

Archive for the ‘Random funny jokes’ Category

Funny jokes about situations in sex life. I trully hope that you are not Pinocchio or that sombody owes you one:)) ! 

Two good friends:
- Tonight I’m going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come?
- Obviously! How numerous individuals are coming?
- Three, should you bring your sweetheart.
A small boy asked his mommy:
- Mommy, why are you white and I’m black?
- Do not even ask me that, when I remember that party…, you’re lucky that you do not bark.

1 woman stops a taxi.
- Towards the airport, please.
Right after ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman within the mirror, says:
- You’re third pregnant woman that I’ve driven towards the airport these days.
- Are you kidding me, I’m not pregnant.
- Nicely, you haven’t arrived towards the international airport yet neither.

1 man calls emergency:
- Come instantly, my small son has swallowed a condom!
Right after five minutes, the same man calls back:
- It’s OK, I discovered one more 1.

Pinocchio talks to Gepetto:
- Dad my dick is all jagged and crooked so I’ve no success with girls.
- You know, my son, I didn’t care too much about that detail, but that ought to not be a issue. Go towards the shop, take a sandpaper and fix it.
Right after some time, Gepetto asks Pinocchio:
- Nicely, did you resolve the issue with the girls?
- Daddy, since I got the sandpaper who needs the girls anymore.

Yo momma is so fat. You have to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.

A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant.

“So,” said the counsellor, “you know the consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally.”

The wife flared up. “You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must give him half? My money?”

“Yes,” said the counsellor. “He gets $2,000. You get $2,000.”

“What about my furniture? I paid for that.”

“Same thing,” answered the counsellor. “Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen.”

There was a challenging gleam in the wife’s eye. “What about our three children?”

That stumped him. Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then he came up with a Solomonic answer. “Go back and live together until your fourth
child is born. Then you take two children and your husband takes two.”

The wife shook her head. “No, I’m sure that wouldn’t work out. If I depended on him, I wouldn’t have the three I got.”

Yo momma is so ugly, the Pro-Lifers would make an exception in her case.

3 guys go camping in their new tent.

After a night’s sleep, the guy sleeping on the left of the tent wakes up in a cold sweat and tells the others “I had the most horrible nightmare that somebody was trying to pull my dick off!”

The guy sleeping on the right says “Weird! I had the exact same dream!”

The guy sleeping in the middle says “I had a dream that I was skiing …”

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?

A pimp.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.

I don’t like to interrupt her.