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Funny Jokes About helps you to make your marriage last.

If you can’t understand a thing , and you can’t control it, not even a bit , you definitely can make funny jokes about it , and laugh at it.

 
My wife and I have the secrets to making a marriage last…

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida, mine is in NY.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!”
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!”, so I bought her an electric chair.

My wife told me the car wasn’t running well, there was water in the carburetor. When I asked where the car was, she told me “In the lake.”

My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off…

You want more funny jokes about couples? Just read the category

Funny jokes about men vs. women. In a strange way although it is funny it is somehow true. I don’t even know how we manage to stand each other. Anyway I’m glad that we can!

RELATIONSHIPS:

Very first, a guy doesn’t call a romantic relationship a romantic relationship – he refers to

it as “that time when me and Suzie were boinking on a semi-regular basis.”

When a romantic relationship ends, a lady will cry and pour her heart out to her

girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled “All Males Are Idiots.” Then she

will get on with her life.

A guy has a bit more trouble letting go. Six months following the breakup- at 3

am early on a Sunday morning – he will call and say “I just wanted you to let

you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you, and

you’re a total floozy. But I really want you to know there’s always a chance for us.”

This is called the “I Hate You/I Love You” drunken phone call, that 99% of all

males have made at least one time. You will find community colleges that provide courses to

assist males get over this require; unfortunately these classes rarely prove efficient.

SEX:

Ladies choose 30-45 minutes of foreplay.

Males choose 30-45 seconds of foreplay. Males think about driving back to her place as

the main foreplay.

MATURITY:

Ladies mature much quicker than males. Most 17-year-old females can function as

adults.

Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other

wedgies following gym class. For this reason high school romances rarely work out.

HATS:Ladies appear great in hats; males appear like dinks.

In the ZOO:

The difference between women and men is visible in the Zoo within the

monkey house within the reaction women and men need to reactions of monkey antics like lice picking,

scurrying around, screaming and playing with themselves in public:

Ladies go, “Oh that’s disgusting, I can’t watch this and leave.”

At the same time the guys are thinking, “Hey, I could do that.”

COMEDY:

Let’s say a little group of women and men are in a living room, looking at tv, and an episode of

“The Three Stooges” shows up :

Instantly, the males will get really fired up – they will laugh uproariously, and actually attempt to simulate

the actions of Curly, undoubtedly each and every male’s preferred Stooge.

The ladies will roll their eys and groan and wait it out.

HANDWRITING:

To their credit, males don’t decorate their penmanship. They just

chicken-scratch.

Ladies use scented, colored stationery and they dot their “i’s” with

circles and hearts. Ladies use ridiculously big loops in their “p’s”

and “g’s.” It’s a royal pain to read a note from a lady. Even when

she’s dumping you, she’ll put a smiley face at the conclusion of the note.

BATHROOMS:

A guy has at most six products in his bathroom – a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving

cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of products in a typiical woman’s bathroom is 437. A guy would

be unable to identify many of these products.

MAGAZINES:

Male’s magazines frequently feature pictures of naked ladies.

Ladies magazines also feature pictures of naked ladies. The reason being the

female body is really a stunning thing of beauty, while the male body is hairy and lumpy

and shouldn’t be seen by the light of day.

GROCERIES:

A lady makes a summary of points she needs and then goes to the store and buys

these points.

A guy waits until the only products left in his fridge are half of a lemon,

and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything

that looks great. When he reaches the checkout counter, his cart is

packed tighter than the Clampett’s car on The Beverley Hillbillies. Obviously,

this will not stop him from visiting the 10-items-or-less lane.

GOING OUT:

When a guy says he’s all set out, it indicates he’s all set out.

When a lady says she’s all set out, it indicates that she WILL be ready to go

out, the moment she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup…etc.

You are agree with the lines written in this funny joke? You can ask others if they are, just make it social and read the comments after that:)

For more of this you should come back for the second part , for more funny jokes about girls or funny jokes about ladies .

Funny jokes about sex and love or Murphy’s ideeas about sex and love

Murphy’s Laws On Adore and Sexual intercourse

The much more stunning the lady is who loves you, the simpler it’s to leave her with no difficult feelings. Absolutely nothing improves with age. Regardless of how numerous times you’ve had it, if it is offered take it, simply because it’ll by no means be very the exact same again. Sexual intercourse has no calories. Sexual intercourse takes up the least period of time and causes the most quantity of trouble. There isn’t a remedy for sexual intercourse but much more sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse appeal is 50% what you’ve obtained and 50% what individuals believe you’ve obtained. No sexual intercourse with anybody within the exact same office. Sexual intercourse is like snow; you never know how numerous inches you are likely to get or how lengthy it’ll last. A guy in your house is worth two in the street. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will adhere to. Virginity is usually quite curable. When a man’s wife learns to comprehend him, she generally stops listening to him. and vice versa..
. By no means sleep with anybody crazier than yourself. The qualities that most attract a lady to a guy are generally the exact same ones she can’t stand years later. Sexual intercourse is dirty only if it is done correct. It is usually the wrong time of month. The ultimate way to hold a guy is inside your arms. When the lights are out, all ladies are stunning. Sexual intercourse is hereditary. If your parents by no means had it, you won’t either. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night; then on Sunday, pray for crop failure. The younger the much better. The game of adore is by no means known as off due to darkness. It was not the apple about the tree but the pair in the grass that caused the trouble within the garden. Sexual intercourse discriminates against the shy and also the ugly. Prior to you discover your handsome prince, you’ve got to kiss loads of frogs. There might be some points much better than sexual intercourse, and some points worse than sexual intercourse. However, there is absolutely nothing exactly like it. Adore your neighbor, but do not get caught. Adore is really a hole within the heart. If the effort that went in research about the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands about the moon. Adore is a point of chemistry, sexual intercourse is a matter of physics. Do it only using the greatest. Sexual intercourse is really a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning. 1 great turn gets the vast majority of blankets. You can’t produce a baby in 1 month by impregnating nine ladies. Adore may be the triumph of imagination more than intelligence. Marketing and advertising to have loved and lost than by no means to have loved at all. Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless within the mood. By no means lie down having a lady who’s obtained much more troubles than you. Abstain from wine, ladies, and song; mostly song. By no means argue having a ladies when she’s tired, or rested. A lady by no means forgets the men she could have had; a guy, the ladies he couldn’t. What matters isn’t the length of the wand, but the magic within the stick. Advertising and marketing to be looked more than than overlooked. By no means say no. A guy can enjoy a any lady providing he doesn’t adore her. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes correct towards the bone. A guy is only a guy, but a great bicycle is really a ride. Adore comes in spurts. Sexual intercourse is amongst the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant. Keep away if you cannot keep it up. There is no difference between a wise guy along with a fool when they just fall in love. By no means hit the sack mad, remain up and fight. Adore may be the delusion that 1 male or female differs from an additional. “This won’t hurt, I promise.”

Did these funny jokes about love and sex liked you? Make them social:))

Funny jokes about situations in sex life. I trully hope that you are not Pinocchio or that sombody owes you one:)) ! 

Two good friends:
- Tonight I’m going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come?
- Obviously! How numerous individuals are coming?
- Three, should you bring your sweetheart.
A small boy asked his mommy:
- Mommy, why are you white and I’m black?
- Do not even ask me that, when I remember that party…, you’re lucky that you do not bark.

1 woman stops a taxi.
- Towards the airport, please.
Right after ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman within the mirror, says:
- You’re third pregnant woman that I’ve driven towards the airport these days.
- Are you kidding me, I’m not pregnant.
- Nicely, you haven’t arrived towards the international airport yet neither.

1 man calls emergency:
- Come instantly, my small son has swallowed a condom!
Right after five minutes, the same man calls back:
- It’s OK, I discovered one more 1.

Pinocchio talks to Gepetto:
- Dad my dick is all jagged and crooked so I’ve no success with girls.
- You know, my son, I didn’t care too much about that detail, but that ought to not be a issue. Go towards the shop, take a sandpaper and fix it.
Right after some time, Gepetto asks Pinocchio:
- Nicely, did you resolve the issue with the girls?
- Daddy, since I got the sandpaper who needs the girls anymore.

Funny jokes about differences between men and women. In fact it’s just one jokes, differences are more than one:)

Differences between men and women Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy Dumb man + smart woman = affair Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage

Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and ove him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

Married men lived longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Men wake up as good looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.

If I liked this joke a lot does it mean that I have something against women? Not at all , it’s just a funny joke:)) !

Beware of what kind of wife( or husband) you take  my friend or there will come out funny jokes about you not only about wifes

A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shooters. The bartender says, ‘Looks like you are
having a bad day.’ The guy says, ‘Am I ever! To start, I woke up late for work. On my
way to work I got in an accident. When I got to work I was four hours late, so the boss
fired me. Then to top everything off I came home to my wife alone with my best friend.’
The bartender says, ‘What did you say to your wife?’
The guy says, ‘I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again.’
The bartender says, ‘What did you say to your best friend?”
The guy says, ”I said BAD DOG!”

And this is good and it gives you an ideea about how honest men ar, and the funny joke said so:

80% of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe )

The best  is to tide up your husbands by the bed ladies!

A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o’clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.

The brunette turns to the blonde and says, ” I bet you $50 the man is going to jump.”The blonde replies, “Okay you’re on.” Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.

The brunette says, “I can’t accept this money. I watched the 5 o’clock news and saw the man jump then.” “No, you have to take it,” says the blonde.

“I watched the 5 o’clock news too, but I didn’t think he would do it again.”